So who would have thought that after being single for nearly 8 months (pause for dramatic effect), I’m still single! Dang! I think I’m getting too old for this ‘crazy lil’ thing called L-O-V-E.’ And I won’t say it’s not getting to me because it does, and all of my friends can affirm this. After all, I am a commitment-maniac. There I said it! I love being in-love and sometimes even more than the person. I am an idealist. I love the idea of me being in love. And this has been my greatest fault. Oftentimes, even before the relationship starts I’ve already set plans of having a 1st anniversary vacation cruise with him. This usually happens by the second date. I know right, WTF am I thinking? But hey, being idealistic in love comes with a price (sometimes even literally). Don’t get me wrong, I don’t and never will pay for love. This is not PRETTY WOMAN after all. I ain’t that rich. So why is it that when it comes to love, we all look for the ideal, perfect, and over-the-top kind? Were we fed with so much ‘happily ever afters’ as a kid that fairytales becomes ideal? We all look for our Prince Charming’s, Cinderella’s, Snow White’s, Carrie’s and Mr. Big’s and yet for some of us, they may never come.
In my search for the perfect kind of love, I came across three very unique individuals. And as quickly as each one came, each of them disappeared out of my life.
Cavite GuyThree years ago I met this aspiring entrepreneur on one hot summer night. I won’t try to frost it; it was a one night stand. And that was basically it, a quick lay, nothing special, and nothing to be serious about. But then, a few years down the road, I received this message on one of the websites I frequently visit reminding me of this night, an invite of sorts to keep in touch and go out soon. And as if soon didn’t come quickly enough, we had lunch the next day. We had lunch at Podium and talked, and talked, and talked. I found him on a different light. It’s like really meeting him for the first time. I realized this guy had a very big potential to be a very good partner. He’s intellectual, goal-oriented, focused and driven. He owned his own training management company which was his wife, baby, partner and life. His world revolved around his work and company. I remember asking him why he’s so passionate about this and he said, ‘because my work is the only thing that gives me back importance.’ I’m not entirely sure what this meant or why he answered it like that but I knew at that very instant I could never compete. I also knew that this person can assure me of a very good future. We tried to make it work but things were much more complicated. We had different priorities and he was not ready to give it all up for a shot at a relationship. While I was willing to give it my everything. I haven’t heard from him for 4 days and I take it as he’s just not that interested.
Singapore GuyLast Saturday I met up with some of my friends to unwind and have a great time. We decided to go clubbing and dance, get drunk and just have fun. We went to our usual hang out at Malate. The night started great and we heated the dance floor early on. Vicky sported this uber sexy outfit seemingly ignoring the fact that we were at a gay club and straight men there were either waiters, go-go boys or there with their girlfriends who had gay friends. I obviously underestimated her as she ended up dancing with this hot ‘undetermined (sexual orientation)’ guy. The whole time I was texting with this Singapore guy who claimed to have other plans with his friends and won’t be coming there. But to my surprise, later that night (morning), he texted saying he’ll be coming. I was suddenly filled with excitement. After all, I really like this guy and he seemingly liked me.
I met him about a month and a half ago. We started exchanging text messages at first and a few phone calls here and there. It was only recently after he came back from Singapore that we decided to meet. I saw his pictures on the net and I knew he was attractive but I didn’t realize he was hot until a saw him personally. He had a great body, much like a surfers. He’s also highly intellectual and spoke very well. Up until that time, I never even imagined I’d have the slightest possibility to date someone like him. I was never really that attracted to guys who sported a great physique, spoke well and modelled. Call it insecurity but I refused to date guys like that because I knew my paranoia will always get the best of me. I still gave it a shot. He was sweet, thoughtful and almost the guy I wanted to have a relationship with. But then it crumbled as quickly as it was built.
He was always the mysterious type, hardly spoke about his life and rarely shared his feelings to me. But before that Saturday night, he did. He told me about his friends (whom I met a week before) and even his past lovers. He was beginning to open up to me. And I was finally confident that I could crack some of his mysteries. I was terribly wrong. I haven’t heard from him since.
The Young GuyA few months back while I was hanging out at our usual club I bumped into an old friend. He was with his guy and I was immediately taken by his unbelievably cute smile. Yes, it was that smile that also drove me to find out more about him. I messaged my friend asking him to give him my number. I found out that he did but the guy never texted or called. So, persistent as I am, I found another way. I messaged him on the usually site I had an account with hoping that he’d reply. After a week, I got my answer. We exchanged messages and started keeping in touch even when I was in Malaysia for work. When I came back, we decided to meet for dinner. Dinner was a short one and we never had an opportunity to have another one. I realised he was young and yet again, we had different priorities. I didn’t want to pursue. I gave up even before it started.
-o-
Perhaps this is partly my fault for having too much expectation with all three of them. But I tried and make at least one work but it seemed that fate was against my side. I didn’t fall in love with all of them, not even one. I fell in love with the fact that I had a shot to be happy again. I was hopeful and somewhat looking forward to the possibility of finding my happy ending. I ran too fast and jumped too high. One of my friends spoke to me about having too high standards. I know I had them set too high but then again, I never wanted to lower it down. Maybe I should. But let me find the right person first. Until then, I remain single, not-so-happy but ok single. I will remain hopeful and idealistic even if it takes another 8 months or more until that crazy-lil’-thing called L-O-V-E comes my way… and stays.
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